We'll probably never really get to watch Barack Obama and Donald Chump play poker together. But now we know what the result would be.
We all--those of us who accept the historically accurate, documented details of his life, anyway--know that when he was an Illinois state senator, Barack Obama was part of a regular poker game comprising legislators of both political parties. I have a feeling he did very, very well.
Because the way he played Donald Chump was masterful.
Obama's birth certificate--the one that the state of Hawaii releases publicly, to serve as proof of birth in any legal proceeding in the United States--has been available for more than two years. There's no question as to its authenticity. Every Hawaii official who has a reason to know has verified it. Every media organization that has investigated it has reached the same conclusion. The Honolulu newspapers reported his birth in August of 1961.
You'd have to be an idiot to think otherwise.
Sadly, there are plenty of idiots out there. But the king idiot, America's #1 sap, has made Obama's birthplace the centerpiece of his fraudulent run for the White House. Donald Chump, who's been a publicity hound ever since his privileged birth gave him the flimsiest platform for it, was suckered into believing the most outlandish conspiracy theory possible.
Somehow, he thought that Obama's unemployed mother and student father raised the money for a flight to Kenya, in order for her to give birth there (to what end?), then spirited the baby back into the US, convinced the newspapers to run phony birth notices, convinced the state to issue false documents, and convinced every witness to lie about it.
A trained monkey would know it was nonsense. But not Donald Chump.
He bet on it. Then Obama raised him, and Chump saw the raise and raised again. Chump kept doubling down on this ridiculous theory, and Obama drew him in with a poker face and a master's cool. Finally, when the time was right, Obama showed the document--the one that's legally meaningless, that is not recognized by the courts, as the short-form one is--and showed Chump as the sap that he is.
Once again, Obama is the smartest guy in the room, and Chump is the idiot.
In response, of course, Chump went for another race-baiting attack--how could someone like Obama (meaning, poor and black) get into Harvard Law? he asks.
Well, how could someone without the smarts to get into Harvard Law rise to its most exalted height--President of the Law Review?
Obama has achieved more in his life--president of the Harvard Law Review, state legislator, US Senator from the great state of Illinois, President of the United States--than Chump, known mostly for owning casinos, going bankrupt, and hosting the most inane "reality" show in the history of TV--could ever dream of.
Today, Obama demonstrated what a fool Chump is. He also showed, once again, how smart he is--by recognizing that America's military mission, in the years ahead of us, will be against terrorists, requiring close cooperation between the intelligence and military communities, and nominated the Leon Panetta, head of the CIA, to take Bob Gates's job as Defense Secretary, and David Petraeus, the smartest general in the country in decades, to take over the CIA. This is a bold, genius move. George W. Bush gave us one of our worst SECDEFs ever in Donald Rumsfeld, and one of our best in Gates. Replacing Gates was always going to be tough. But replacing him with a guy who speaks spy, and putting our best general at the head of the spy department?
Not something Chump ever would have thought of. That's why Obama is president, and Chump is...
...well, he's just Chump.